Why I Am

When I was little, I used to flip my hand

You know, like all the queens do.

My grandma told me it might not be a good idea

To do it at school, or at church

But I could do it at her house.

It occurred to me one day

That perhaps my voice was too feminine

So I focused

And tried to change it

Every minute of every day.

Jump roping and hand clapping

While reciting memorized verse

Are things that made me wish

I could be a girl

Just to be part of that world.

Would you be mad if

I dated someone that is black?

I would rather you bring home

A black girl

Than another boy.

I don’t feel comfortable around him.

Maybe the reality is that

You don’t feel comfortable around yourself.

I hate that we don’t know your roommate

What if he is gay?

(What if I am gay?)

It it too difficult to get out of bed.

It is too difficult to face the world

While wrapped in a shell

Built of self-inflicted adjustments.

I can’t even look

At other people

When I know

The person they are seeing

Is not real.

It is easier to say true love waits

And be accepted

When you are dating girls

But you aren’t attracted to them.

It was more difficult

To come out

Because it was supposed to be

On my time.

But time ran out

And the second time you asked me

Seven years later

I didn’t have a choice

Because I was older

And accepted myself

And tired of living a lie

And hiding part of me

From the two of you,

Who I love so much

So I said it

And it was done

And it became yours.

Freedom

Does not mean

That your actions

Will be without consequence.

But rather

That you realize

Your actions represent

Who you are

And that you are not ashamed of that person

But proud to live in the body you have been given.

Everyone deserves love and acceptance.

Even if they don’t give it.

“There is neither Jew nor Gentile,

Neither slave nor free,

Nor is there male and female,

For you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Apparently

This verse is not as important

As all the other ones.